story time

at an italian restaurant near my old house, there is a waiter that i basically witnessed undergo gender transformation (is that what you call it?). when i was little he started growing out his hair, and it was a little hard to tell what gender he/she was. my sister asked loudly, “is that a man or a woman?” and the babysitter had to shut her up. i think the waiter heard. i went there a few years ago and i guess her features were much more feminine and she wore a lot of makeup - or maybe she just looked more feminine because of the makeup. i last went in december and i think the transformation was pretty much complete or whatever. basically, she had boobs. and her voice was high-pitched, but it was the kind of high-pitched voice a guy has whenever he tries to imitate a girl. i wonder if hormones can change your voice or she’s talking like that on purpose. this whole thing is pretty confusing. it must suck to be born as a gender you’re not comfortable being.

anyway, that’s the most exciting thing that has ever happened to me. 

my mom wants to me “talk”. every time i talk to my parents one of them ends up yelling at me or making me feel bad about myself.

i’ve said this before but every time i get a message on facebook or an email it’s someone asking me for help. that’s all i am to people. yup.

i’m really upset and i feel like crying all the time these days.

i don’t want to go to graduation or beach day or anything that involves seeing everyone because i can’t stand them anymore. i don’t relate to anyone here because they are either all shallow or just have bad personalities and if i end up having a graduation party I’m going to run away.

to those of you complaining about how “stressful” getting ready for prom is:

  • why are you complaining to me
  • you were the ones who wanted to go in the first place
  • and were desperate enough to go with anyone who asked
  • so shut the fuck up

you know i try to have to good attitude about life and then shit happens 2 seconds later

nothing good has happened to me in months. listening to one good song on the radio a week doesn’t cut it

listening to my parents has been the worst thing i have ever done

wow

i’ve had to do so much shit for other people this year and no one returns the favor and karma doesn’t seem to exist

i don’t want to go to this college and i don’t want to see half my school there. i don’t care about the rankings. why didn’t i apply to some tiny liberal arts school in the middle of nowhere

I’m sitting here crying on my birthday  

i hate my relatives

FUCK ALL OF YOU

THIS WAS A HORRIBLE BIRTHDAY

IM NEVER COMING BACK HERE

WHY THE FUCK AM I GOING TO A SCHOOL THATS 45 MINUTES AWAY